I saw this firsthand through a project I worked on with a talented Oracle consultant, whose story profoundly changed the way I viewed parenting and the immigrant experience.

One day, she came to my office and asked if she could take some pictures of me. I was taken aback at first—I never considered myself photogenic, especially at my age, with my wrinkles, and certainly not someone who could be a model. But she explained that she had recently developed an interest in photography and felt I had a certain look that attracted her. I laughed at the thought but agreed nonetheless.

We would usually walk around after lunch. She took my pictures, and we chatted along the way. Soon, I learned that she was an immigrant child. Her parents had immigrated to this country about a decade ago. Both were artists in Hong Kong, but it was nearly impossible for them to find work in the U.S. Her dad worked in a photo studio, where he would convert customers’ photos into paintings upon request. They lived in low-income housing.

The Tragedy of Family Struggles

One day, she came home from school to find her house full of people. She soon learned the heartbreaking news that her younger brother had been killed in a gang shooting. He was only 10 years old. At the time, she was still in high school. After the tragedy, she didn’t speak to her parents for the rest of her high school years.

Her story of loss shocked me deeply. The grief of losing a sibling at such a young age, compounded by the emotional distance between her and her parents, was heart-wrenching. I could feel her anger and sorrow, not just for the tragedy of losing her brother, but for the way it created an emotional divide between her and the very people who were supposed to support her.

I truly believed that was a tragedy. Her parents had thought this country would offer their children better opportunities, but they never expected all the hardships they would encounter. It was so sad, beyond what words could express.

Lessons Learned as Immigrant Parents

Her story made me rethink how my own children might be struggling in ways I hadn’t fully understood before. As immigrant parents, we carry our own burdens—adapting, meeting high expectations—and sometimes, in that process, we may inadvertently overlook the emotional struggles our children are facing.

Building Bridges

In the end, this is not just my land; it will be their land too. As parents, our role is not just to support our children in this world, but to help them build their own bridges—filled with understanding, love, and the freedom to dream.  Our job is not only to guide them through this foreign land, but to help them navigate it with courage, so they can build their own future here—stronger, more confident, and ready to claim their place in the world.